VC Pines: Soundtracking an epileptic mind – one musician’s story of seizures and synesthesia

VC Pines is baring not simply his soul, however his mind. Black and white skeletal pictures exhibiting the internal workings of his gray matter illustrate his music, as do the cruel, eerie pulses of MRI bleeps and buzzes which have soundtracked an enormous a part of his life.

The alt-soul singer-songwriter, actual title Jack Mercer, has temporal lobe epilepsy and synesthesia; the latter a symptom of the previous, he believes, which suggests his senses merge and he experiences colors in reference to sure sounds or phrases.

He began struggling seizures whereas at school in London at 17, and when his epilepsy was at its worst they had been taking place nearly day by day. It was a scary time. Now 29, he has realized to like the best way his mind works, and is sharing his story by his music.

“I started having what I now know were simple partial seizures, which is where you lose complete awareness and focus of anything that’s going on around you, and there were a couple of times where I would collapse… I had no idea what was going on, I thought I was losing my mind,” he tells Sky News.

“But if someone now were to say, ‘take this pill and it will be gone tomorrow’, I wouldn’t. I’ve learned how to deal with the seizures and I’ve learnt how to use them and my synesthesia to do what I love doing. I appreciate there are a lot of people who have epilepsy but aren’t mentally and physically able to do that, so I’m very lucky in the sense that I’m able to channel it. But I’ve definitely come to come to terms with it all and the seizures I have now are a lot more sporadic.”

Sometimes Mercer remembers his seizures, generally not. “Sometimes I only realise I’ve had one because I’m on the floor on the Tube or wherever.” He was initially handled with Lamotrigine, a typical drug for folks with epilepsy or bipolar dysfunction, when he was recognized, nevertheless it badly affected his temper.

“I fell out with a lot of friends and I was completely different, basically – and I was still having seizures. So I thought I’d rather be myself and have seizures than not be myself and have seizures. So I don’t take medication for it anymore.”

He believes his mind has realized to handle issues – “maybe it’s more active as a teenager, so has calmed down?” – and now the seizures come about as soon as each few months.

While photosensitive epilepsy triggered by flashing lights appears to be essentially the most well-known, charities say it is not as frequent as most individuals suppose, affecting solely about 3 to five% of individuals with the situation. Common triggers are tiredness, lack of meals, alcohol and stress, whereas different much less frequent triggers can embrace “music, different sounds, smells and even reading”, in response to the Epilepsy Society.

Mercer is one among 50 million folks worldwide that suffer from temporal lobe epilepsy. His related to sensory stimulation that evokes emotions of nostalgia; a odor or the contact of one thing that instantly unlocks a reminiscence of the previous.

“It’s often to do with my memory and I think that’s why it kind of makes me sensitive to my senses, because it’s if I smell something or if I hear something or see something, it can evoke a really strong memory,” he says. “Sometimes it’s like a memory that I’ve never remembered before, but I know it happened – so it’s linked to deja vu. And these are really, really strong, they sometimes stop you in your tracks. But that’s where a lot of the inspirations for my songs come from, they all stem from nostalgia.”

Epilepsy Action’s Tom Beddow says there is not clear knowledge to say precisely what number of victims fall into every class on the subject of much less frequent triggers corresponding to reminiscence or extra complicated actions. “Overall, everyone’s experience with epilepsy is different, and so are their triggers, if they have any.”

One vivid seizure recollection of Mercer’s was of time he spent in New Hampshire, within the US, as a toddler. “When I first started having seizures I would remember these massive pine trees – which is where the Pines bit of my name comes from.” The VC stands for Violet Coloured – “because most of the stuff I write and tend to gravitate towards is purple or violet in colour”.

The colors in Mercer’s mind had at all times been there. He simply did not know they weren’t for everybody else – that’s, till he heard synesthesia defined in a lecture throughout his time on the ICMP (Institute of Contemporary Music Performance).

“Halfway through, I was like, ‘What do you mean, like, B isn’t red and C isn’t green? Doesn’t everyone else see, you know, letters with colours and chords with colours?’ Apparently not. That’s when I realised the way my brain works is different.”

But Mercer just isn’t alone. Billie Eilish, one of the crucial profitable music artists of latest years, has additionally spoken about having the neurological situation, telling Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show it evokes her creativity.

“All of my videos for the most part have to do with synesthesia. All of my artwork, everything I do live, all the colours for each song, it’s because those are the colours for those songs.” Other artists together with Pharrell Williams, Kanye West, Charli XCX, Billy Joel, Lorde and Mary J Blige have additionally spoken out about it.

Mercer says he has realized to harness his neurological situations “to see what kind of colours memories can give me and therefore what kind of colours parts of the songs are, stuff like that. I try and use it as a canvas, I guess… it’s all throughout the album. Everything in there is a colour, to me.”

MRI, his debut, “encapsulates the shifts and scoops” of Mercer’s uncommon mind, with Chamber, the opening observe, that includes the sound of the MRI machine similar to the one he remembers coming into for the primary time at London’s Charing Cross Hospital.

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“It’s the sound of an MRI running through this chord sequence, that kind of cuts in really horribly,” he says. “But I love it.” The album touches on themes of affection, jealousy, psychological well being and habit, in addition to neurology and nostalgia. Mercer says he hopes it would assist others going by troublesome occasions.

“I was really scared when I was diagnosed. My immediate assumption was that it was going to get worse, because the only epilepsy I knew was a ‘flash and you’re out for the count’. But it’s not been like that.

“I wish to be open about it and discuss it. My songs are all about issues which have occurred and my reminiscences from seizures; it is all stemmed from me sort of managing my life whereas managing this situation, mainly. At the identical time, I do hope folks can hearken to it and relate and really feel the identical method, I assume – with out feeling unhappy.”